I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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