Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
