dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
