you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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