i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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