So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize