this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
