Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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