I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
