Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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