I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
