God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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