What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
