god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
