I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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