Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize