Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
