Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
