Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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