And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize