It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
