looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
