The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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