how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize