Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
