currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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