I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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