3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
