I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
