I'm lost and stupid without you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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