I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize