i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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