Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
