Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
