I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
