Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
