Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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