im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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