Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
