I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
