do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
