apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're a waste of cheezeits
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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