I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
