i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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