the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
