She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
