So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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