You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
is wine microwaveable?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
