just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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