So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
