Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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