i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
