I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
