so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
so much tequila, so little girl.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
