I seem to have left my pride at pride
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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