I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
