I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
