i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize