Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
