i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
