put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
