I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize