Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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