Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
