i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize