theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
