You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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