Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
