do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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