How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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