i jhust puked up my retainher.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
