He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
