Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
