If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
