...so i touched it.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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