My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
