I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
