did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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