how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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